There comes a point in time when you wonder, about that particular point in time. If, perhaps, you could have arrived at a different set of realities had you done something different in the past?
We humans might require the highest order of pardon for thinking that we can change either the past or the future, in an attempt to escape the present and the troubles that comes with it.
Stop for a moment when such thoughts take hold of you. You will almost always realize that the reason behind such mental strives is the unhappiness to a situation that you are facing right now. So it doesn’t really matter if you could have done something different in the past or not, what really bothers you is if there is a way out of your present predicament.
Which is a fair line of thought, after all everyone want to make their lives and related aspects to living better. But is it at the expense of self content? Because if what you are looking for is in attaining self containment, then believe me, it is not a factor of your situation in any manner.
Self containment is an effort at realizing an order of thought, that is beyond this world, while being plagued by the atrocities of this very world. It is indeed a question of one’s very existence.
That being said, you can spend you entire life (a span of time that can be measure in decades, attaining one century for the truly lucky) in searching for ultimate truths or the ultimate conclusion, but you will not find it as long as you neglect the ultimate one.
Our intellectual mind is our greatest strength, it is perhaps also our greatest weakness. For while every species on the face of the planet fulfils the purpose of their being (creation), we as a race are still struggling to find the purpose of ours. This mental trauma is colossal, it is a plague that has affected our entire genome, that we have managed to plunder the very home we reside in, all in the effort to find out this purpose.